Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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