Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
