Your face is a jimmy john
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
