I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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