Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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