pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
