If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
