My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
