Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
