i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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