1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
