Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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