Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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