my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
