Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
