he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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