are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
