you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
