He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
