I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
