At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
