We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
