Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize
