So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
