No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
