i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
