Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
