Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
