Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
