i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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