I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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