oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
