Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
