I met the friendliest cop last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
