i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The ass gains better be worth it
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