So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
