drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
