just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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