I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
