I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
