i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
