I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
