a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
