peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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