i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
