she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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