I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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