i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
