we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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