i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
