best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
