You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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