last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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