I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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