Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
