it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
