Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
